Notice the same happy smile in each picture? that’s cause I am happy! I have Joy in my life constantly and I know that I am so incredibly blessed! How my life is today compared with not so many years ago is night and day! I feel like my story is one of hope and proof of the amazing power of a healthy positive thought life, community living, and the healing that comes from knowing who the Source is of ultimate LOVE FORGIVENESS and TRUTH! That’s God btw 🙂
That being said my journey in the weight ~ body image category has been a life long struggle. I am the youngest of 4 girls .. all 3 of my older sisters are pretty thin verging on teeny tiny… that is hard! even when I have been at my thinnest weight I feel like a huffalump standing beside them! It took me a LONG time to resign myself and even like the fact that God gave me curves … I hated it for a long time. It was probably 4 years ago when I faced my biggest life challenge so far and had to rediscover WHO I was and What made me, me, that I came to peace with my body type! I am a full figured curvy woman and I am great with that!
What I am not so great with is knowing the scales are going to dip close to 200 pounds … yup this is me being very vulnerable here but being me and having open book syndrome I have decided to lay it all out there. I weigh a lot. I always have. It is the major reason I do not own a scale in my home and realized a long time ago I simply cannot go by “weight” as a scale of how healthy I am. I have big dense bones and even at my skinniest which was when I was 17 and fresh home from Kenya having had Malaria 2x and carrying ecoli ( I lost 30 pounds there in 6 months) .. I left in Aug 1991 weighing 148 pounds and came home the end of Feb 1992 weighing 118 pounds … I left a size 8 and came home a size 5 .. my head looked too big for my body! I was sick and not healthy at all!! When I got pregnant with my oldest at the old age of 19 I weighed 125 … When I got married in Sept 1995 I weighed 135 (still under what I weighed in high school) … When I got divorced in Jan 2011 I weighed 185 pounds, size 13!! by the summer of 2011 I was down to 165 pounds, size 8-10 and I was happy at that.. Last summer of 2012 I began to have some woman issues and the weight was slowly creeping back on, when I got married to the love of my life Dec 2012 I weighed 170 pounds, size 12.
For my body a big change in the scale doesn’t necessarily reflect a big change in clothing sizes. I gain everywhere…even my toes! I don’t have 1 problem spot, if I gain it distributes fairly evenly hence it’s not always easy to tell when I have gained a lot.
For me a scale is useless… it’s not really a good thing as I don’t want to get obsessive over it. I love food. I love life. I love wine. I do not love being a slave to the scale. I DO however not want to buy a bigger clothing size then 13 and ideally a 12 would be the biggest I ever should be. An 8 is great but more work then I know I keep up with 🙂 keeping it real here folks… a size 10 would be absolutely perfect for me.
This fall I gained about 15 pounds. I know it is miscarriage hormonal weight gain… this same thing happened to me in my early 20’s when I had 5 miscarriages in a row. I was 175 pounds when I went in for the D and C in July this summer … the nurse weighing me actually said ” wow I would never have guessed you weigh that, you don’t look like it at all” … then by the time we were leaving for Mexico I knew my clothes were stretched as far as they could … most don’t fit me … I knew that I was pushing 190 if not over it .. this is all without having a scale.. I just know how much I weigh!
When I walked into the Natural Paths office one week ago tomorrow, I knew I had probably lost about 5 pounds due to getting sick in Mexico .. my appetite was definitely smaller and I couldn’t keep food down … I told the Dr I thought I probably weighed 185.. I weighed in at 186 … see I know my body!
I have been feeling bloated fat and not very attractive for several months. I knew I was at a very unhealthy weight. This all made my decision to do a rapid weight loss via the Natural Path an easy one.
I have to say I am VERY nervous about going tomorrow for my first weigh in. It doesn’t feel like I have lost any weight. I didn’t have the OH.MY.THE.FAT.IS.DRIPPING.OFF.ME moment I was hoping for! BUT .. I do feel better… I do feel less bloated and if nothing else I think actually doing something about it is helping me feel overall more motivated and healthier. I am not finding the reduce calorie diet too hard (I think the appetite reduction right before hand helped with that) … I am choking down the 2 tsp of coconut oil every morning, by far that is the hardest part of all this! and I miss sauce! I LOVE SAUCES! I have to be organized… again not always my strong point when it comes to myself…catering and events yes, my personal home life not so much! But I will complete this 30 day plan that I am on come hell or high water! paying for it all up front also helps with the motivation!!
Mostly I eat apples, oranges, melba toast, almonds, grilled chicken, cucumbers, tomatoes and spinach… I tried grilled sole last night, not my favourite! I am sure that soon I will be craving some more flavours! but I keep telling myself this ” Nothing tastes as good as being healthy feels” the quote is actually supposed to be as good as skinny feels but I will never be skinny but I can be healthy!!
Edited to Add : I forgot to mention that I am drinking a TON of water every day and now I remember why I didn’t drink enough water every day …. I have to pee every hour … I do not enjoy it and I loathe public washrooms and I find the whole process rather a waste of my time 🙂 I know that sounds stupid but really every hour having to pee is irritating 🙂