Between pretty much being a full time parent… the girls go to their dads but nothing regular, it’s supposed to be every other weekend but it doesn’t turn out to be that often…for many reasons!… and I work a lot… when I have a lot of work then I have to do it.. I can’t really pick and choose when I go in to work…when its there I work..and when it’s not there I try to organize myself get caught up on paperwork and check the gazillion emails I get every day… it’s a FULL life! it’s a good life… mostly! I joke a lot about having a reality show…there are few dull moments!
Right now my biggest challenge is the age of my girls… they are 19, 14, 13 and almost 11… it’s HORMONE overload in my house right now… and it’s probably the single most exhausting time of my life…well that I know of, I still have a lot of life yet to live! But there it is… teen girls are draining! the drama… OH.MY.THE.DRAMA. it never seems to end! Without going into details, cuz my purpose in life is not to humiliate the girls, I will say this…. I have never known pain like the pain a child who is angry and mad can cause. Not even the darkest days of the divorce or the residual crap that comes from the fall out of a family that has been ripped in 2 and standing on either side of a divide the size of the Grand Canyon!! and speaking from experience here… that was/still can be at times painful … but this… this pain that a child who you struggled to keep alive in utero (you would have to read my old blog http://insighttolalasworld.blogspot.com to understand…basically pregnancy was easy to come by but hard for my body to maintain) a child that you gave birth too after a 11 hour of hell labor.. this child that you nursed and changed and loved and poured your life into… this child who cried out at night for you and curled their tiny hands into your hair and snuggled into you only like a child can… this child can cut you to the quick and hurt you like none other.
You have so much hope and dreams for your children and when you see them struggle and hurt… it hurts you … then you see them start leaning towards what seems to be bad choices and mind sets and it’s like a panic sets in to sway them… to guide them back to the innocent childlike set of mind that you used to know they possessed. Even in the midst of the teen age brain shrinkage… you know that they still are amazing.. that they can be ANYTHING they want too.. and you struggle to make them see it.. to believe it … to not make enough stupid choices that could lead them off the path altogether… The news like prime time is no longer a show that you care to watch.. the ultimate fears of what could happen you watch unfold before you and when you hear those words “we never saw this coming” you question how that ever could be possible until you are sitting in the teenage mom shoes… and then you can… and that freaks you out!
The interesting thing about teen girls.. and having more than 1 in your house is that they sort of form this “pack” … they can be fighting so hard against each other but just as easily can group together and attack… at the same time.. to the same poor soul! I’ve seen it happen!
I have so many more years of raising these teen girls…. I am sure I have so many more tears to be shed and sleepless nights of frustration hurt and pain. In there, there are amazing times and memories being made… lets get that straight… there are so many joys I get to have with my girls but this post is about the struggle… and lets be real! it’s a struggle!
I am not sure it can be done without a solid community around you! and I am SOOO glad that I have that community! I am glad that I have a husband who loves my girls… who wants what is best for them and defends me and has my back. That does make raising the girls a lot easier and I wish I had always had that…but no point looking back cuz there is SO much more joy presently and looking forward. I know that all this too shall pass! and that before I know it they will be grown with families of their own calling me crying saying “mom I just don’t get why they are like this”… well I can hope they get a little taste of what they are putting me through 🙂 … and I get to snicker every so quietly and say oh honey the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree! hehehe insert a wee bit of a wicked laugh!!